Endless Battles
by CyanGalaxy
Summary: Blinded by the never-ending Clone War, often oneself doesn't realise the affects it has on your mind and sanity, until it's almost too late. Since his Padawan left, Anakin has been plagued by nightmares of Ahsoka... There so vivid and strong, he's too afraid to sleep.
36 standard galactic hours.

That's how long General Anakin Skywalker has been awake. Him and his men had fought and served in too many battles, for too many days, that now, finding a sweet moment of relief from sleep seemed impossible, since all the dying clone troopers, Jedi and helpless civilians still haunted him—even in his dreams.

Most of the time he would witness the 501st legion be slaughtered by Seppie 'droids, or occasionally it was other Jedi like Yoda, Mace Windu, Luminara Unduli or Shaak Ti—even Jedi he didn't know.

Sometimes his mind would replay past memories; the slave life on Tatooine, losses of many clones... mainly his Mother dying in his arms. He would always see her holding on for dear life, but slipping away as he just stared in shock, grief and horror... That quickly turned to rage.

The most frequent dream was the worst of them, though. It was Ahsoka. Ever since she left the Order behind, Anakin would see her trapped, enclosed, endanger—any number of agonising situations. He always tried to save her—each and every time, but never could...was never strong enough.

At the end of the nightmare, she would die—just like his mother, Ahsoka would die. She never spoke, never talked, but he would always see the hopelessness laced in her dark eyes. Silently, they tormented him with his failure.

He had seen her die over 15 times now... And he wouldn't ever admit it—maybe not even to himself—but he was afraid to sleep, incase he would have to see her die a horrific death once again.

The strangest thing happened today, though. The troops and 'droids were both cascading heavy fire fight at each other in the middle of battle, with himself leading from the front lines, when he could swear he saw Ahsoka among all the chaos. Yet, as soon as she appeared, she disappeared, which made Anakin question his very own conscience.

"...General," Clone Captain Rex startled Anakin out of his thoughts, bringing him back to the reality of the previous war zone. So lost in his mind, he didn't realise that Rex had been reporting the new orders they had been given.

Rex studied Skywalker, before he added, "Are you alright, sir?"

The quick and easy answer (and lie) was a simple, 'I'm fine', which Anakin had been saying for the last few weeks whenever asked, but right now he couldn't find the strength to say it. People would never believe that white-lie, and press the matter further, anyway.

Anakin simply nodded and muttered, "Are we to return back to Coruscant?" Changing the subject. Anakin assumed Rex had probably stated wether or not they were leaving from the orders he was reading out, but since Anakin wasn't listening he didn't know.

The clone nodded again with a concerned expression. "Yes, General. Our ecav will arrive in the next standard hour or so."

"Thank you, Captain."

42 standard galactic hours.

6 hours had past since they left the battlefield, and Anakin Skywalker had spent those few hours going over many, many reports. He didn't need to, but it was the only thing keeping him conscious, subconsciously resisting anything that will make him fall asleep—not wanting the nightmares to plague him again. Meditation and resting he couldn't do, so the only thing left was to read. Maybe if he read, he could concentrate on the words—spare him from the aching pain in his head (which he guessed was sleep deprivation).

The words didn't get any clearer as he kept reading, to be honest. They just swirled around and around, got mixed up, and blended into a display of meaningless symbols and patterns, until the aurebesh only focused on two words completely...

 _Ahsoka Tano._

Anakin knew for a fact that her name was not listed in the document, so why was it the only word standing out?

His breathing got quicker, and his hands gripped the holo display table tighter, as he tried so hard not to lose his balance. If he was fully aware right now, Anakin probably would have been a lot more shocked and frightened about seeing his old Padawan's name magically appear, but he was too tired to comprehend that that shouldn't happen and that it probably wasn't real.

" _Master_..." The ghostly sound of Ahsoka's angelic voice rattled through the air's atmosphere, making him turn his head so sharply upright, he got dizzy.

The voice sent chills down his spine when he realised he was alone.

He knew that voice—had heard it one million times. It was her voice, yet it was different. She didn't sound as happy, or content. The voice was more lifeless and dull. It was her voice... but it wasn't her.

Even being so tired, he knew that something wasn't right. "Who's there," Anakin growled back, trying to sound somewhat threatening, but failing. Maybe it was just something he heard, something that wasn't real.

" _Master... It's me.._." She almost sounded hurt.

In his mind, one side of his frazzled brain was trying to search for logical answers—the part of the brain looking for ways all of this could make sense, the part of the brain where everything connected, the part of the brain where logic was involved, the part of the brain that dismissed the idea of hearing her voice as a reality.

Yet the other half said differently.

 _This_ side if the brain was open to things he couldn't understand, to defy the laws of actuality, to seek beyond the rules of what is right in front of him, and go deep into the unimaginable. It was the side of the brain where experiences like this were possible.

The logic half was winning out—like most of the time—but maybe from exhaustion, bewilderment or his former Padawan, the imaginative side was taking control, starting to believe it really was Ahsoka.

" _It's me_..."

"Ahsoka?" He said, but he already knew.

" _Master... Why_..." Now she _did_ sound hurt.

"I... Don't understand,"

" _Why didn't you trust me_?"

Each word she spoke felt like a dagger to the heart, as he was literally living out his nightmare, but in real life. "I-I did,"

" _Why would you leave me alone?_ "

He wanted to tell the voice that he had never left her, to tell her that he would always be with her, to tell her that she would never be alone... But all he could say was her name, "Ahsoka..." Because a part of him felt guilty... Well _all_ of him felt guilty, because maybe he did leave her—instead of the other way around. Maybe she'd felt so neglected by everyone that she had no choice but to leave.

" _Why...Why would you fail me?_ "

Basically, all of Anakin's subconscious thoughts—his internal horrors, were all being exposed through her words in real life instead of dreams. This was much more agonising and denser. "I'm- I'm sorry..."

" _No...no..."_ Her voice was now louder, deeper, _angrier_ , and he had never heard it this way before. She would sometimes get frustrated or annoyed, but never use a tone that portrayed hatred... Especially towards her master. " _You may as well have let me die... Like all the times you see within the darkness of your dreams_." Now her voice was duplicated, with a dark one behind the first. " _Master_..." Her voice was so head-splitting that Anakin had to cover his ears with his hands, in an effort to drain away her voice, but it didn't go away or get any softer. " _Why are you ignoring me?"_

"Stop...please," He whispered out, not even hearing the sound of his own voice.

The ringing only increased, which he could take no more of, so with a throbbing head, blurry vision and unsteady legs, he left the room, gasping for air—which he didn't know he was lacking. Immediately her voice stopped calling him and the ringing subsided, letting Anakin sink against the _Resolute's_ wall in relief.

He started to question everything he heard back there, but wasn't able to think about it too much.

48 standard galactic hours.

Obi-Wan must have noticed something. Ever since Anakin return from the mission, the younger Jedi was acting uncharacteristically quiet. His Force-signature was weirdly different as well. It felt deprived, rather than blocked—like usual.

"Are you alright?" He asked his former apprentice, as they walked down the long hallways together towards the Council chambers. He gave Anakin a suspicious glance dipped in concern, when the other Jedi just nodded feebly.

Obi-Wan was soon stopped as he realised that Anakin was no longer walking with him. The other man had come to an abrupt halt, and appeared to be staring off into the distance like he'd seen a ghost.

"Anakin?" Obi-Wan said, but it didn't seem as if his old apprentice heard him or noticed.

"Ahsoka..." He mumbled barely audibly. The only way Obi-Wan knew what he was saying, was because he saw Anakin's lips form her name.

This time he could _see_ her, unlike before when he only heard her voice and when he saw her for merely a moment in a battle zone. _This_ time she was right there, standing by the pillar staring with dead eyes staring back at him. She was fuzzy, and hardly as colourful as he remembered. She looked really different compared to the other people near her. They seemed vivid, while Ahsoka was just a blur of grey hues.

He subconsciously whispered her name, before the world around him went as dark as her eyes, and he felt the ground come closer and closer until he collided with it.

 _It was dim. The only source of light was an ominous, bright-red glow. From what he could sense, there were four presences; two were far away—leaving whatever scene he was witnessing, while the other two he could see were fighting in combat—lightsabers crashing together. A black, heavily armoured figure with a dark mask and an equally dark Force-presence battled an almost out-matched Togruta. She was mature, but Anakin instantly knew who it was._

 _His blood-red blade and her pure white sabres kept hissing together as they kept fighting with power, resilience, stamina and emotion. This battle was fierce—that, he knew._

 _He felt all colour drain from his face, as the Togruta he once knew so well had fallen limp to the menace's crimson blade._

 _For some reason, he expected to have some kind of resistance by now, but each time he saw her die caused as much agony and pain and hurt as the one before_.

When he woke, he smelled the familiar stiff air, the essence of bacta and other meds, along with feeling fuzzy sheets. Instantly, his mind screamed: _Medbay_.

Anakin's groggy gaze shifted towards the chair beside the medical bed—which normally had someone in it. This time it was Obi-Wan.

"Hi," Anakin said, though his voice didn't sound like his own. It was more croaky and shaking.

"Good morning," his mentor greeted. "How do you feel?"

If he was honest, he would say he didn't really know. It kinda depends on what Obi-Wan means. Like, does he mean physically? Because if so, the answer would be: 'so tired, I don't think I can even talk much longer.' But if he means mentally... Well the answer would be long, complicated, confusing, and mixed with plenty of other adjectives and maybe some swear words, too. But in his defence, how are you supposed to feel after you randomly hear and see your Padawan out of thin air? Was he truly going insane?

"I'm fine,"

•••

 **A/N**

 **Why must I make Anakin be sleep deprived and go semi-crazy? I've read a few fanfics were he is sleep deprived, and well I kinda wanted to join the club with a hint of hallucinations... Because that always fun. Anyways, his hallucinations of Ahsoka are based off Sam from** ** _Supernatural_** **when he sees Lucifer for a while. Idk why, but I just find Sam looking like a lost puppy and I wanted to do something like that here.**

 **The ending might be a bit depressing. I was gonna have an Anakin/Obi-Wan bonding moment thing, but I seriously just like that 'I'm fine' thing.**

 **I was really determined to get it out today, so sorry if it might be rushed. Feedback is great and requests are welcomed. :)**

 **Also the nightmare Anakin has is** ** _Twilight of the Apprentice_** **. That is if Ahoska died.**

 **May the Force be with you**

 **-CyanGalaxy**


End file.
